Address To An Engagement Director

Fair fa’ your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o’ the corporate-race!
Aboon them a’ ye tak your place,
HR, Comms and Brand:
Weel are ye wordy o’ a grace
o’er the land.

The important function there ye fill,
Taking a’ the flack withoot the frill,
Your insights are a bitter pill
In time o’ need,
While thro’ your chores your artful skill
Is seldom heed.

The CEO when in full flight,
Will kick yer arse wi’ ready sleight,
Thinking yer just fu’ o’ shite,
Like ony function;
But soon he sees with great hindsight,
Yer fu’ o’ gumption!

Then, for EBITDA and ROCI
they stretch an’ strive:
Deil tak the hindmost! on they drive,
Till a’ their weel-calculated KPIs,
Are met with glee;
Then auld fatcats, maist like to skive,
will get their fee.

Is there a CEO owre his COO
Or CFO that wad staw a sow,
Or HRD wad mak her spew
Wi’ perfect dole,
Look down wi’ sneering, scornfu’ view
On sic a role?

Poor devil! see him with his Board,
with debts that they can ill afford
now see how they could’ve scored
If they’d taen thy advice!
Instead yer wisdom was ignored,
O how unwise!

But mark the company, professionally led,
inspiring leaders at their head,
hard times disnae fill them wi dread,
they’ll buck the trends;
their folks to them will still be wed
when recession ends.

Ye Pow’rs wha lead the rank ‘n’ file,
And try sae hard to make them smile,
Yer folk want nae mair corporate bile
or reasons to rejoice;
But, if ye wish their extra mile,
Gie them a voice!

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  1. Haha….very funny and very clever. Of course Burns would turn in his grave at the thought of an HR function…..come to think of it…..many of us would.

  2. He he – Rabbie Burns and Johnny Cash inside a week – we could make a good team eh? I like it, ye wee timrous beastie!

    • I can see an EVP “Engagement Variety Performance” evening coming on. No jugglers need apply.

  3. Excellent and witty – sending a virtual haggis your way!

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